The Biopsy~ December 3

Well, it's amazing the strength you can see in your child given the right opportunity. Boo was a rock yesterday. I felt so much pride in how she handled the whole thing. She fasted after midnight for the procedure. She was allowed up to 8oz of apple juice by 10am which I gave to her then. She was hungry, but not as cranky as I expected. We arrived at the hospital at 12:30, her surgery was schedule for 2:30. We were in the child's play room for a big part of that time. She was changed into pyjamas and I was changed into scrubs so that I could go into the OR with her. We spent time talking, playing and watching movies. 2:30 came and went the OR had been unusually busy so we were bumped back. I think she was the last one booked for the day. Boo was getting overstimulated by the screaming children. She was starting to fade, hungry, thirsty, tired you name it. She kept telling me that she was excited to have the biopsy done so we could make her tummy stop hurting. It broke my heart and filled me with pride all at the same time. She understood it, why this was going on and the ultimate results. A few minutes before we were called back there was this wonderful older lady. Her grandson was getting surgery done and she had gotten the news that he did well. She was speaking a little prayer just under her breath. When we were finally called (at 3:30) she put her hand on Boo's arm and said "you'll be just fine" she said another little prayer under her breath. She asked if she could put some sacred Jerusalum oil on her arm, I said yes, but Boo backed off. So she put it on my arm. I'm not a religious person so to speak, I have no idea the ethnicity of this wonderful woman or her religion. But the honesty and sincerity of her words and her prayers lifted my heart. I will always be grateful for the kindness that she extended to my daughter and I.
So we were called back to the OR waiting area they gave us some fancy hair caps Boo was not pleased lol. They gave her a couple little hand knitted bears and filled her stamp book with more stamps and stickers. We waited there and met each smiling staff member one at a time. At 4:15 we were on our way to the OR. Boo had a big grin on her face, she seemed happy. We walked into the OR and she took a step back when she saw all of the people in the room. I whispered that they were all there just for her and only for her. She beamed them all a big giant grin and hopped up on the the table. They wrapped her in some hot blankets and she looked so cozy. I flashed back to when she was first admitted to the hospital at 8 weeks with pneumonia, she looked as vulnerable now as she did then. It took everything I had in me to keep smiling. They strapped her onto the table and put the mask on her face. My momma bear kicked in, I wanted to back out and take my baby out of that place and run. Logic told me this was not possible, but that was my baby on there. She did so wonderfully, she took deep breaths like she was supposed to, I saw her eyes glaze over and get spacey. Her eyes started to get watery and I noticed she had some hair in one of her eyes so I moved it away. As she started to go under the anesthetist said she would start squirming. Now when you hear the word squirming you think wiggling, or at least I did. This was not squirming, it was all kind of surreal. I have never seen anything like this other than during my mom's seizure episodes and then it was called posturing. Her eyes rolled into her head and her whole body arched her arms rolled backwards and her wrists flipped down tight. They kept assuring me that it was a completely normal response that the body fights the drugs unconsciously until they are out, thus the strap to keep her on the table. Once she was out they let me kiss her on her precious little head and led me out. As we were walking out the nurse asked if she had done this before, I said no, none of my kids have had surgery, she patted me on the back and said "wow, you are doing amazing" I took a deep breath and just broke. I couldn't stop the tears, she smiled and told me to get it out that it's a really hard thing to see. And it was.
So I left the area, went through the maze of a hospital to get a much needed drink. My original plan was to get something to eat as well, but there was no way I could stomach a bite. I went outside to make some phone calls. When I went into the PACU waiting area a few people looked at me and asked if I was Boo's mom. My heart and my stomach dropped. I had only been out maybe 10 minutes I went to go find someone and was immediately lost in my panic. I saw a nurse and told her that the Dr had been looking for me and that Boo had only been in a few minutes. She took me to the OR waiting area that we started in, and another nurse chuckled at my panic assured me that everything was fine, the biopsy only takes a few minutes. The surgeon came out a few minutes later and smiled and said she was perfect, it went exactly how it should. But pending the results of the biopsy he said she does indeed look Celiac and to go ahead and start her gluten-free. He said that I should also have everyone else tested, which I've started doing.
I went back to the PACU waiting area and waited. I was so relieved that it was almost done. After about 1/2 hour they called me to the PACU room. When I went in Boo was pretty out of it. They said she took a bit longer to come out than expected but was doing well. They brought her a popsicle. She was so angry that the IV was still in. They had netted her whole hand so she couldn't move and with her sensory issues, she obsessed and got seriously irritated. But other than her very croupy cough she honestly looked good. After about 15 minutes we were moved to the recovery area. Within minutes she was becoming more like herself, the glaze left her eyes and she was irritable but more like the little girl that I love with all of me. Our nurse went on a break or something so I ripped open a hole in the netting so she could at least stretch and wiggle her fingers and that provided a huge amount of relief. So we waited, we chatted she started moving about the bed and getting anxious to go home. By 7pm, she was released and home we came. In all of that, there was a point that she asked me what the Dr said, I wavered, I didn't know if I should be honest quite yet. But I had to, after all this is her journey not mine. As soon as I told her she broke down, she told me she hated her body. She hated that that was the way she was made and she was sad because "it's just not fair"

The only thing I could think to say was "no baby, it's not fair, but you are still perfect because this helps to make you who you are"